I See What You Meme

As they day approaches (tomorrow!) for Kiddo to officially become a "regular" part of our lives, reflections and musings continue.   Rationally and legally, we know that Kiddo will not really be "ours" until the adoption papers are finalized, and that will probably take at least  a year.  At the same time, she has definitely captured our hearts.  We are hooked. Perhaps I'm overly optimistic, but I find it highly unlikely that anything would happen on our  end to keep this adoption from becoming a reality.  At the same time, I have no illusions that this will be smooth sailing.  Any child who enters a family through the foster care system will bring her share of challenges and fears.  I have heard comments from many people as we have engaged in this process that fall along the lines of, " She is so lucky to have you." and "You are very special people to do this. " I don't completely disagree with those statements, but I don't know ...

The countdown continues! Our overnight visit with Kiddo went very well.  She settled in to our house nicely, demonstrating natural curiosity about everything, and we had a great (almost) 24 hours with her.  No broken bones. No temper tantrums. No disasters. And I'm just talking about Roger and me.   We did learn some important things this weekend.   Here are the top 5 tidbits we can share: So, remember how we told you that Kiddo was 6? Yeah. About that.  Apparently, she's 7. While we were absorbing all of the other information about her, she had a birthday during the time between her initial referral and our first meetup. We completely blocked out the fat that she had turned a year older.  Oh well.  Ice cubes in the bathtub are the best stress reliever ever.  In one of our earliest meetings with Kiddo, we shared with her that throwing ice cubes into a bathtub can be a great way to relieve anger (Thanks, Katya, for that Pro Tip!) . It ma...

When you find yourself willing to share many aspects of your life online, there is an expected amount of attention that you know is going to come your way.  We learned this during Charlotte's illness.  Roger or I would post a Caring Bridge blog. Within days (or sometimes hours) of the post, we would see folks out in the community and they would already be "up to date" on our news.  Instead of, "What's new with Charlotte?" we got "I just read your update and...".  It did sometimes save time and effort in retelling stories. Plus, we always felt that the community knew what  we needed when  we needed it. As I have continued the blog after Charlotte's death, not much has changed.  Going through times of challenge and grief , the community continues to walk beside us, crying empathic tears and shouting with joy when the moments presented themselves.  I know that this type of self-expression isn't for everyone, but it works for us. Now we ar...

I know an update is in order. First, thanks to everyone for the outpouring of support that Roger and I felt with my last posting .  We are also excited about this new adventure in our lives and I am touched by the offerings of toys, playdates, and help we received already. We have had a few more visits with Kiddo .  She is doing very well at her temporary placement and we are enjoying getting to know her.  It is interesting and strange to fall into the parenting role again.  This is compounded largely by the fact that while our hope is to make our home Kiddo's   permanent home, there are still many steps to take before that happens. A few common questions have come up from friends so I thought I might answer some of them here.  First of all, it's important to know that the process of adoption for older children like Kiddo  takes a significant amount of time.  For at least the first 6 months, Kiddo  will continue to be considered a fos...

Today was a very momentous day.  I will preface all of this with a simple fact that everyone involved in our journey will need to accept: due to confidentiality, there are some things that we just can't share.   With that said, I will tell you that we met a beautiful girl today.  For now, let's call her " Kiddo ".   Kiddo  is 6 years old and after a brief 30 day stay in a residential placement, she will be coming into our home with the intention of adoption. There have been lots of meetings, phone calls, and logistical maneuverings leading up to the events of today and I won't bore you with the minutiae.  Basically, Kiddo's social worker met us (and our UMFS intake coordinators) at UMFS for lunch today.  Until now, all we knew about Kiddo was on paper and via case worker reports.  She hadn't seen a picture of us either.   When we asked her what she knew about what was happening right now, she said, "I'm going to go stay at [resident...

In The Waste Land , TS Eliot pontificates that "April is the cruelest month".  In our world, January seems to fit the bill.   January 22, 2009 Right before her first brain surgery First, there are the obvious anniversaries.  Charlotte died on January 7, 2010.  Her diagnosis day was January 20, 2009. That was the moment in time when our world changed forever.  Today (1/22) marks the day of her first brain surgery.  The path of our lives for the next year was fixed at that point.  Our focus was on Charlotte and little else.  January 2009 shaped our lives in a way that few other moments in history ever can.  Then there is the cumulative effect.   The holidays are hard .  In fact, once November hits, all I can really think about are those final days with our daughter.  The Make-A-Wish trip. The reading vigil. The moments watching her decline and anticipating her passing.  These memories converge with opportunites to ...

On Tuesday, we will mark four years since Charlotte died.  For the last three years, I have approached this date with a mixture of dread, anticipation, and honor.  It always feels strange to me.  For the vast majority of parents, there is one major day that we honor for our child on an annual basis.  It is their birthday.  I still find it surreal that I honor my child on the day of her death.  We know what to do in honoring a birth. There is a party with food, friends, family, the bestowing of gifts, and celebration.  How do we honor a death? To cast a dark shadow over the day seems right at the gut level, but then it immediately feels wrong.  When Charlotte died, we didn't mark the day with morbid black. It was a celebration of pink and purple with music, color, and light.   Of course, I remember Charlotte every day. I think of her when I first wake up and she is one of my last thoughts before bed at night.  I see things that remin...