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An Open Letter to my Husband on Valentines Day

An open letter to my husband in preparation for Valentines Day: As your socially conscious, politically correct, tree-hugging, liberal wife, I have some gift guidelines for this upcoming holiday that continually celebrates conspicuous consumption over sentiment. No jewelry.   Any kiss from me will not begin with Kay and if you  go to Jared I may kick you out of the house for at least a week.  I don't need the thought of aiding and abetting civil war in African countries through  conflict diamonds  on my conscience.    No cut flowers.   Not only will the flowers die within a week but the flower industry is rife with unfair labor practices.    Don't buy a card because it will only end up in a landfill after it clutters my already cluttered house for an undetermined period of time while I pretend to appreciate its sentimentality.     I used to think chocolate was the key to my heart but apparently...