I See What You Meme

"Sometimes I see your face, The stars seem to lose their place Why must I think of you? Why must I? Why should I? Why should I cry for you? Why would you want me to? And what would it mean to say, That, "I loved you in my fashion"? What would be true? Why should I? Why should I cry for you?" -- Sting   It's been a while, hasn't it? But it's that time of year again.  Sometimes I regret that I'm not writing on my blog nearly as much as I used to. It seems that my posts center around special family events and dates and I'm certainly not as prolific as I used to be. I write lots of things in my head or in my journals that just don't make it to social media and I hope those of you who continue to read my ramblings will accept my apologies for the long pauses in between my thoughts.  I suppose I'm saving it all for my next memoirs. When I'm rich and famous.  [pause for laughter] If I were to sum up my feelings right now abo...

It's been a little over a year in our journey with Kiddo and we are excited to say that the day is finally here! She is officially out of foster care and we are her legal guardians. We are her adoptive parents! A new birth certificate is on its way to our house! People of the Interwebs, meet our daughter Prudense! Our original plan was to have an official ceremony with the judge and all but due to some miscommunication with either the lawyer or the courts, the adoption order was signed without us. It's ok, though.   We shared the official news with Prudense on Saturday and she was, of course, thrilled. We have considered her our daughter for quite a while now, so in some ways the reality of the official adoption order was a little strange. Now, however, we can make many decisions (medical, educational, etc.) without running everything by a caseworker. That's a big change! We are also thrilled that her case worker through social services recently transferred to ...

Here we are in the middle of Christmas, headed for New Year's and Epiphany! When last I left you , we were just easing in to the holiday season, on the heels of the signing of much official adoption paperwork.  The process continues. The judge has the papers.  We should be official about 2 months (or so).  Overall, it has been a relatively easy Christmas. After five  years of grief and dread , it's nice to have a healthy distraction in the form of a tiny person's holiday joy. All of those activities--visiting Santa, singing carols, looking at the lights, preparing presents for others--when seen through the perspective of a child can have a way of softening the blow a bit.  The sadness has been there in fits and starts, but it definitely feels different. These months between November and January are always a bit reflective anyway.   Of course, while it is the season for holiday celebrations, it is also the time of mass binge watching of movies and other...

It's that time of year again. The holidays are approaching. How could you avoid the onslaught? I can't believe they actually started the Christmas marketing before  Halloween this year.  But I digress. This isn't really about the holiday season.  (Well, maybe it is. A little.)  What it's really about is that time in November 2009 when we learned that we could no longer fight Charlotte's cancer . That time we had to fully understand that word. Terminal.  For the last five years, that period from November to the end of January has been a blur of avoidance, melancholy, and sadness. We haven't put up a Christmas tree since that pink one that graced our living room until almost April 2010. Only last year did I finally start feeling like "my old self" when it came to the holidays, slowly merging into social celebrations with others without feeling a panic attack coming my way.   Although I can't find it in an old blog post, I know that in ...

We hit a very important milestone last week! Kiddo has been with us for six months. Does everyone remember what that means? We are ready to move forward with adoption! Now before everyone gets too excited, there is still a great deal of work (and paperwork) to be done until we finally sign on the dotted line and make it legally official.  But this is a MAJOR milestone, both for us and for Kiddo.   I've been in quite the reflective mood lately, so seems a good a time as any to reflect on some of the ways in which Kiddo has changed my life. 1. I'm a more responsible adult when I'm a parent. When it was just Roger and me for a while, it was easy to fall into a slump where we could eat popcorn, PBJ sandwiches, or noodle soup almost every night for dinner. We could leave the laundry lying around unfolded (or at least folded in the basket) for days on end.  Now I have a little person expecting three relatively healthy  meals a day. And I need to set a good exam...

In some ways, I find it difficult to believe that I haven't blogged since Charlotte's birthday .  Looking back, it's not that difficult to fathom at all.  Adding a new person to the mix makes for one busy life! Our view at the lake on most days Kiddo has had a pretty great summer, I think. She had quite a few weeks at YMCA Day Camp getting dirty in between swimming lessons.  We also took a week to drive to Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri for a family vacation with Roger's relatives.  Despite getting on each other's last nerves before the 1000 mile trip to the lake was over, it was a fairly smooth ride.  We were pretty well crammed into the VW Bug but we made do and everyone was still relatively comfortable. The return trek was much more tolerable. Maybe we were all more relaxed by then!  Kiddo swam a ton, I read lots of books, and Roger caught about a dozen fish! Also, the Frozen  soundtrack was played about fifty times.  Give or take.  ...

We have hit the one month mark with Kiddo officially in our home! Hooray! When I run into people, so many ask, "How are things going?" and most of the time, all I can really say is, "Great!"  I think it is going very well.  Our life is not without its hiccups and bumps.  Some days, the morning or evening routine runs smoother than others. Some days she's sad. Some days, she frustrates us. Some days we have so much fun I can hardly contain myself.   My new Happy Hour includes sassy nail design. So this is what parenting is like (again)!  In some ways, I feel like I never left. I have always worked in jobs involving kids so spending time with Kiddo feels natural as well. Of course, she is different from the kids I work with in the community and she is also different from Charlotte. There are many similarities as well, though. All you need to do is look on Facebook or spend some time chatting with your fellow friends who are parents to realize that we a...

As you may have guessed, the wonder of parenthood is a busy blur of meetings, activities, chauffeuring, entertaining, meal preparation, and more! All continues to go well and I know some of you have had the opportunity to meet Kiddo "in person".  We have really enjoyed introducing her to some of our favorite things.  Friday included a trip to Comedy Sportz , where she instantly captured the hearts of some of our fellow playerz. Also on the agenda was an Easter Egg Hunt with friends, church, and a fabulous family dinner.  On Saturday, I finally  found some time to do some gardening.  I only pretend to have a green thumb, relying every season on my stepfather, the Master Gardener, to direct my planting, trimming, and fertilizing decisions.  After a cold winter, it felt so good to dig in the dirt and add some color to the yard. The Butterfly Bush at its first planting It was during my time in the garden that I thought a great deal about both Charl...

As they day approaches (tomorrow!) for Kiddo to officially become a "regular" part of our lives, reflections and musings continue.   Rationally and legally, we know that Kiddo will not really be "ours" until the adoption papers are finalized, and that will probably take at least  a year.  At the same time, she has definitely captured our hearts.  We are hooked. Perhaps I'm overly optimistic, but I find it highly unlikely that anything would happen on our  end to keep this adoption from becoming a reality.  At the same time, I have no illusions that this will be smooth sailing.  Any child who enters a family through the foster care system will bring her share of challenges and fears.  I have heard comments from many people as we have engaged in this process that fall along the lines of, " She is so lucky to have you." and "You are very special people to do this. " I don't completely disagree with those statements, but I don't know ...

The countdown continues! Our overnight visit with Kiddo went very well.  She settled in to our house nicely, demonstrating natural curiosity about everything, and we had a great (almost) 24 hours with her.  No broken bones. No temper tantrums. No disasters. And I'm just talking about Roger and me.   We did learn some important things this weekend.   Here are the top 5 tidbits we can share: So, remember how we told you that Kiddo was 6? Yeah. About that.  Apparently, she's 7. While we were absorbing all of the other information about her, she had a birthday during the time between her initial referral and our first meetup. We completely blocked out the fat that she had turned a year older.  Oh well.  Ice cubes in the bathtub are the best stress reliever ever.  In one of our earliest meetings with Kiddo, we shared with her that throwing ice cubes into a bathtub can be a great way to relieve anger (Thanks, Katya, for that Pro Tip!) . It ma...

When you find yourself willing to share many aspects of your life online, there is an expected amount of attention that you know is going to come your way.  We learned this during Charlotte's illness.  Roger or I would post a Caring Bridge blog. Within days (or sometimes hours) of the post, we would see folks out in the community and they would already be "up to date" on our news.  Instead of, "What's new with Charlotte?" we got "I just read your update and...".  It did sometimes save time and effort in retelling stories. Plus, we always felt that the community knew what  we needed when  we needed it. As I have continued the blog after Charlotte's death, not much has changed.  Going through times of challenge and grief , the community continues to walk beside us, crying empathic tears and shouting with joy when the moments presented themselves.  I know that this type of self-expression isn't for everyone, but it works for us. Now we ar...

I know an update is in order. First, thanks to everyone for the outpouring of support that Roger and I felt with my last posting .  We are also excited about this new adventure in our lives and I am touched by the offerings of toys, playdates, and help we received already. We have had a few more visits with Kiddo .  She is doing very well at her temporary placement and we are enjoying getting to know her.  It is interesting and strange to fall into the parenting role again.  This is compounded largely by the fact that while our hope is to make our home Kiddo's   permanent home, there are still many steps to take before that happens. A few common questions have come up from friends so I thought I might answer some of them here.  First of all, it's important to know that the process of adoption for older children like Kiddo  takes a significant amount of time.  For at least the first 6 months, Kiddo  will continue to be considered a fos...

Today was a very momentous day.  I will preface all of this with a simple fact that everyone involved in our journey will need to accept: due to confidentiality, there are some things that we just can't share.   With that said, I will tell you that we met a beautiful girl today.  For now, let's call her " Kiddo ".   Kiddo  is 6 years old and after a brief 30 day stay in a residential placement, she will be coming into our home with the intention of adoption. There have been lots of meetings, phone calls, and logistical maneuverings leading up to the events of today and I won't bore you with the minutiae.  Basically, Kiddo's social worker met us (and our UMFS intake coordinators) at UMFS for lunch today.  Until now, all we knew about Kiddo was on paper and via case worker reports.  She hadn't seen a picture of us either.   When we asked her what she knew about what was happening right now, she said, "I'm going to go stay at [resident...

As 2013 draws to a close, everyone is focused on wrapping up the year and setting their sights on 2014.  Goals will be set.   Resolutions will be broken .  Lives will be changed one way or the other.  All of this goes without saying. This time of year has been difficult for me since 2009.  In fact, it's only been the last year or so that I approached anything resembling "normalcy" when it comes to acknowledging the holidays.  Just when I started to get my sea legs back, I was struck last year at this time with the sudden death of a good friend.   This year, there is an added wrinkle.  We have spent our Advent season most appropriately, anticipating and preparing not for the arrival of the Christ but for the child or children that UMFS may place with us once we officially open our home on January 13th.  Most of the physical preparations are done.  There are 2 rooms ready (at least generically) for up to 2 children.  The lock...

As we shift out of the last few hours of a long holiday weekend, I'm going to share a few highlights from my hometown vacation.  Where to begin? First, the weather was perfect. While back in RVA they were facing freezing temps, I was happy to leave the house in a light fleece or t-shirt and cropped pants.  Any day you can wake to hear the roaring sound of the ocean from your bedroom window is probably a good day, don't you think?   Second, I was fairly spoiled by my family and friends.  I ate way too much (who didn't this week?) but it was all sooooo good.  My biggest problem (admittedly a first world problem at that) is that my mom doesn't have a coffee pot so we had to forage daily for our cuppa Joe.  Thankfully, there's a 7-Eleven ( Oh thank heaven!)  at the end of the block near my parents' house which forced me into a daily walk routine as well.   I think I might have been the Queen Dork of my high school. I can admit this now....

So unless you've been completely out of the loop for the last 6 months or so, you know that Roger and I have been in the process of training and approval to become Resource Parents (foster/adoptive parents) with UMFS .  On Wednesday, we crossed another threshold with our "opening meeting".  At this meeting, we signed all the final paperwork (Yes.  MORE paperwork!) to become Resource Parents.   Now we wait.  We could have opened our home immediately. In fact, they told us that they have some referrals "in mind" for us already.  However, we needed to get through the holiday season and (more importantly), January 7th before officially opening our home.  I know that these dates and anniversaries will come our way again; however, Roger and I both felt that it was important to get our minds set before welcoming a new child into our home. Am I excited? Yes.  Am I terrified? Heck, yes! But most parents are when waiting for a child to enter the...

This week, I started something pretty amazing.  I am honored to have been selected in ENLP Cohort 7. We're a rowdy bunch! the latest class of the Emerging Nonprofit Leaders Program  (ENLP) run by the Partnership for Nonprofit Excellence here in Richmond.  This 9 month program allows me to go through leadership training with a cohort of 19 other nonprofit leaders serving a variety of organizations in the RVA.  Every month, I will take a day (or so) out of my work schedule to learn more about leadership, about my strengths and challenges as a leader, and about the Richmond nonprofit community as a whole.   I couldn't do this without the blessing and support of my bosses at Commonwealth Autism Service .  I am the third employee from our organization to go through the program and I am grateful that they have allowed me both the time away from work and the funds to make this professional development possible.  I'm 40 feet in the air (on the left) ...