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Storm Clouds A-brewin'

I meant to blog yesterday. I tried. It wasn't for lack of material but lack of...energy? 
will? 
drive? 
All of the above?

I blame it on the calendar. 

I was doing ok for a while and now July 9th looms large on the horizon. 

These days, grief comes and goes. I've actually gotten to a point where the day-to-day is pretty tolerable. 

But it's the holidays that get you. They're the real challenge.

The storm clouds started brewing over the weekend and seem to have come to rest over the house. At the moment, it all just seems to be sitting there. Waiting. It's like a big weight sitting on my shoulders. It's exhausting. I came home last night intending to answer emails and write reports and blog and exercise and fold laundry. I did none of that. I sat on the couch reading a book and watching TV.

The only benefit of the passage of time is that you have some experience to help you gauge your feelings. It really is all relative. 

We'll talk about this further over the next week or two. Trust me. But I'll leave you with this: I don't need virtual {{{{{HUGS}}}}} or pity or sympathy. I will cry a lot in the next few weeks. I may be a bit grumpy. I may be a bit distracted. I may not work at my peak performance level. 

This much I know is true: I know that I'm a strong survivor.
If I've learned anything lately, it's that a few storm clouds aren't going to hold me back. 
I can handle a hurricane. It just might mean hunkering down for a few days.
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Comments

  1. LizzieJune 29, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    You are amazing! Call me (I will message you my number) when you feel like digging out of the storm. I understand the paths/feelings/anger/sadness of grief. No pressure but I am here for a walk or dinner when YOU feel up to it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJune 30, 2011 at 3:02 AM

    I am super-sensitive to your dilemma. Having been raised without a mother (who was there for me), I annually hate Mother's Day. However, I try to celebrate my wife who bore us three daughters; the three daughters who are now mothers. Can you find a 6-year old girl to honor (Is this one #6?), one who is motherless and needs you more than you she? That relationship would dissolve some of your pain.
    That's all I can offer, except where is your book-waiting-to-be-published? Please do not abandon it; you are an auteur extraordinaire.
    Dennis Folsom, Pulaski

    ReplyDelete
  3. CatherineJuly 7, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    You can do anything! I admire how you and roger are able to hold life together, not just your personal lives, but your family, and friends, and the business, and your hobbies, and, and, and, etc. You guys are awesome and you are allowed to get stuck, if you didn't I think I'd have to worry (as a friend and a professional) You are amazing! I hope the family down here is holding up just as nicely as you are! If they need ANYTHING I frequent the Daytona area :)

    ReplyDelete

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