We hit a very important milestone last week! Kiddo has been with us for six months.
Does everyone remember what that means?
We are ready to move forward with adoption!
Now before everyone gets too excited, there is still a great deal of work (and paperwork) to be done until we finally sign on the dotted line and make it legally official. But this is a MAJOR milestone, both for us and for Kiddo.
I've been in quite the reflective mood lately, so seems a good a time as any to reflect on some of the ways in which Kiddo has changed my life.
1. I'm a more responsible adult when I'm a parent. When it was just Roger and me for a while, it was easy to fall into a slump where we could eat popcorn, PBJ sandwiches, or noodle soup almost every night for dinner. We could leave the laundry lying around unfolded (or at least folded in the basket) for days on end. Now I have a little person expecting three relatively healthy meals a day. And I need to set a good example. She keeps me on my toes. On a similar note...
2. I'm better at work-life balance. In the months and years after Charlotte died, I developed a habit of staying busy. Sure, some of it was a coping mechanism. It worked. It was not uncommon for me to work an 8-9 hour day at my primary job, grab some dinner, and then go to a meeting or event for another organization or work at home on my computer until about 10 pm. Now I need to be home no later than 6 pm (sometimes earlier) and make sure Kiddo gets fed and in bed by 8 pm. There's homework to do, books to read, and after school activities in which to participate. By the time the lights are out and Kiddo is snoozing, I'm ready for a glass of wine and a Netflix show before bed. I'm still active in my community in many different ways but parenting requires me to use a bit more discernment in these choices.
3. Elementary school is a big step from preschool. Our school experience with Charlotte was limited to preschool and daycare. I have worked in schools for most of my career but even with my inside knowledge (which isn't always a good thing) I was in for a little culture shock when it came to elementary school. You get a lot less information from her teachers and there's a lot more guessing when it comes to "how the day went". I have to fight the urge to email her teacher every night and ask how her day was. I'm so grateful that Kiddo has had some wonderful and supportive teachers who are attentive to her complex emotional needs. I'm not even a helicopter parent but I still wish I could be a fly on the wall at school most days.
4. Sometimes kids ask the best questions. And the most difficult. Sometimes, our days consist of answering questions. LOTS and LOTS of questions. I love Kiddo's natural curiosity about everything from stars and the planets to musical theater. Our conversations have ranged from the mundane and fairly simple ("Why is the planet Mars red?" "What other musicals has Idina Menzel been in?") to the slightly uncomfortable ("How does a baby get in your tummy? And how does it get out?") to the really challenging ("Why can't I live with my birth family anymore?"). Yes, Kiddo has done an awful lot of living in and sometimes her questions reflect those of someone beyond her seven (almost 8) short years.
5. Sometimes the sweetest words can also be the most profound. Every parent loves to hear the phrase, "You're the best mom (or dad) ever." That statement takes on a life of its own when it's worded, "You're the best mom I've ever had."
For many years, I wondered if I was ready to open my heart to another child. It wasn't an easy decision. At the same time, Roger and I have realized that our experiences with grief and loss give us a unique empathy for children in foster care. These kids have experienced loss as well and many of the behaviors and feelings I see expressed in Kiddo come straight out of that loss. It manifests in the most challenging and unexpected ways sometimes. If you're not looking for it, she can seem like a completely okay and well-adjusted kid. Some days, she's a child with no shyness or fear who easily sidles up to any kid or adult and instantly becomes their "best friend". On the flip side, she can also sometimes seem like a kid who can't keep still or quiet, much like a child with ADHD. It all comes from the same place. Understanding that helps us understand her. I have watched her grow so much in the last six months and I'm so proud of her. I'm happy to have played just a small part in her progress so far.
We continue the journey. On to the next big thing. Everybody ready for the next part of the ride?
Does everyone remember what that means?We are ready to move forward with adoption!
Now before everyone gets too excited, there is still a great deal of work (and paperwork) to be done until we finally sign on the dotted line and make it legally official. But this is a MAJOR milestone, both for us and for Kiddo.
I've been in quite the reflective mood lately, so seems a good a time as any to reflect on some of the ways in which Kiddo has changed my life.
1. I'm a more responsible adult when I'm a parent. When it was just Roger and me for a while, it was easy to fall into a slump where we could eat popcorn, PBJ sandwiches, or noodle soup almost every night for dinner. We could leave the laundry lying around unfolded (or at least folded in the basket) for days on end. Now I have a little person expecting three relatively healthy meals a day. And I need to set a good example. She keeps me on my toes. On a similar note...
2. I'm better at work-life balance. In the months and years after Charlotte died, I developed a habit of staying busy. Sure, some of it was a coping mechanism. It worked. It was not uncommon for me to work an 8-9 hour day at my primary job, grab some dinner, and then go to a meeting or event for another organization or work at home on my computer until about 10 pm. Now I need to be home no later than 6 pm (sometimes earlier) and make sure Kiddo gets fed and in bed by 8 pm. There's homework to do, books to read, and after school activities in which to participate. By the time the lights are out and Kiddo is snoozing, I'm ready for a glass of wine and a Netflix show before bed. I'm still active in my community in many different ways but parenting requires me to use a bit more discernment in these choices.
3. Elementary school is a big step from preschool. Our school experience with Charlotte was limited to preschool and daycare. I have worked in schools for most of my career but even with my inside knowledge (which isn't always a good thing) I was in for a little culture shock when it came to elementary school. You get a lot less information from her teachers and there's a lot more guessing when it comes to "how the day went". I have to fight the urge to email her teacher every night and ask how her day was. I'm so grateful that Kiddo has had some wonderful and supportive teachers who are attentive to her complex emotional needs. I'm not even a helicopter parent but I still wish I could be a fly on the wall at school most days.
4. Sometimes kids ask the best questions. And the most difficult. Sometimes, our days consist of answering questions. LOTS and LOTS of questions. I love Kiddo's natural curiosity about everything from stars and the planets to musical theater. Our conversations have ranged from the mundane and fairly simple ("Why is the planet Mars red?" "What other musicals has Idina Menzel been in?") to the slightly uncomfortable ("How does a baby get in your tummy? And how does it get out?") to the really challenging ("Why can't I live with my birth family anymore?"). Yes, Kiddo has done an awful lot of living in and sometimes her questions reflect those of someone beyond her seven (almost 8) short years.
5. Sometimes the sweetest words can also be the most profound. Every parent loves to hear the phrase, "You're the best mom (or dad) ever." That statement takes on a life of its own when it's worded, "You're the best mom I've ever had."
For many years, I wondered if I was ready to open my heart to another child. It wasn't an easy decision. At the same time, Roger and I have realized that our experiences with grief and loss give us a unique empathy for children in foster care. These kids have experienced loss as well and many of the behaviors and feelings I see expressed in Kiddo come straight out of that loss. It manifests in the most challenging and unexpected ways sometimes. If you're not looking for it, she can seem like a completely okay and well-adjusted kid. Some days, she's a child with no shyness or fear who easily sidles up to any kid or adult and instantly becomes their "best friend". On the flip side, she can also sometimes seem like a kid who can't keep still or quiet, much like a child with ADHD. It all comes from the same place. Understanding that helps us understand her. I have watched her grow so much in the last six months and I'm so proud of her. I'm happy to have played just a small part in her progress so far.
We continue the journey. On to the next big thing. Everybody ready for the next part of the ride?