Skip to main content

Happiness

I've been really happy lately.  


It feels really good to say that. 


Just in the last week, I have found myself reflecting on my feelings.  I've had more than one person say to me, "You seem really happy."  They are right. I am. 


It feels kind of strange.


When you go through a challenging time in your life, a lot of people will empathize by saying "Cheer up" or "Things will get better" or "You need to look on the bright side."  It's understandable.  People look for happiness. They're drawn to it like a magnet.  There have been many times in the last (almost) 3 years when I have wanted to tell the people who said these things to fuck off leave me alone.  Sometimes I probably even did give them a few choice words.  


I think it's ok to be sad sometimes. 


It's important to acknowledge the anger.  It's important to feel the pain of heartbreak. It's ok to wallow in a little self-pity for a while. It's a part of the process.  Some might say that moving forward without acknowledging that sadness is counterproductive and (maybe?) unhealthy.  


Things do change. Things will change. Life is about change.


2009 and 2010 delivered some really bad news. Our only daughter got sick. She died. Our business suffered. We sold it for an incredible loss. I changed jobs. I gained over 40 pounds. We were (almost) drowning in debt.  Crying was a part of my daily routine.  Life--unquestionably--sucked. 


Life is better.


The Foundation is thriving. We are giving back to others in a way that feels good. The lessons learned from business ownership are making us better leaders in the nonprofit world.


I've lost over 20 pounds of the weight that I gained, 15 of which I've lost in the last three months.  It's nice to be able to wear my old clothes again. 


I have a job that I love and I'm pretty good at what I do. 


I'm writing for two websites (and getting paid for it). I'm writing a book.  I'm writing a book that is going to be published!


We're gaining some ground in paying off the debt. We're eating the elephant, one bite at a time.  


I cry less. I still cry. I will always cry.  It still hurts. I don't think it hurts less. It hurts...differently.

I move forward, acknowledging the past. As Roger likes to say, "It's ok to look back. Just don't stare." It's good to be happy. 

Popular posts from this blog

The Edge of Seventeen

It's that time of year when the blog musings center on my grief journey. Every year, it seems like we are busy with end-of-the-year school activities and the start of summer, planning vacations, and then (kablam)...it's almost July 9.  Grief is funny. Grief is weird. I remember very early after Charlotte died, I watched the movie Rabbit Hole.  There's an amazingly poignant scene where Nicole Kidman's character is talking with another woman who lost a child over 10 years before (played by Dianne Wiest). She talks about grief being like a brick in your pocket. It never goes away. Sometimes you can even forget it's there. But it comes back and makes its presence known from time to time. And (she says) "it's what you have of them."    I probably did not fully realize then what a powerful and true analogy that is. As time goes on, our grief changes. Yet, it is always there on the edge of things. It sits in that pocket and sometimes makes itself known.  This...

To everything there is a season

It's been a while since I used the blog to share my thoughts. What started as some random musings turned into much more than a Facebook post. I started writing this over a week ago but it's taken a minute to actually hit the publish button. Thanks for your patience. Welcome back.   It has been a week (or two) . One of those weeks where everything happens all at once. A week where things need to happen in a particular order or everything‘s going to go to shit. A week where you just seem to go from one thing to the next thing and you’ll figure out what’s going to happen next as it goes along. A week full of work and family and rest and sleeplessness and it never feels like there’s enough time for anything. But somehow it all works out.   A plaque on the library walk in NYC My week started with a trip for work to NYC. It coincided with my birthday. Because of that, I had all kinds of feelings all week about life in general. The week ended with a trip to Florida that, unfortun...

How to be Human

If the last few years have taught us anything, it is that life is complicated and challenging in many ways. Most days, I'm exhausted. Are you exhausted?  During the early part of 2022, though, I had the chance to read three books that really helped me frame my frustration, angst, and anxiety about the world.  All of these books are recently published, based on solid research, and approach their subjects in a way that makes them understandable and relatable to everyone. If you read even one of these books, I guarantee that you will learn things, gain perspective about the world, and discover insights about yourself and your humanity. Each book also touches on the role the COVID-19 pandemic has had on our lives and on our society so they are certainly timely.  I will share my individual reviews for each book that I published on my Goodreads profile. If you have read any of these books recently, would love to hear your thoughts as well!  Atlas of the Heart by Brene Bro...