I See What You Meme

Welcome to a new year, although as many have noted, 2022 just seems to be starting like a variation on the past two years in so many ways (I almost used the word variant. That seems a little *too* on the nose) . Collectively, I think we are all tired. We are drained. We are exhausted. I admire anyone who feels renewed and reflective right now because (gosh darn it) the last two years have been something else.  Somewhere in the last week of 2021, the #10yearchallenge started popping up on social media. I'm not sure who started it or why it surfaced again. I remember this came up as 2019 turned over into 2020, which made sense. The turning of the decade and that nice round number always gives us something to cling to in a nostalgic way.  Did this one start as a bit of fun as people started confining themselves in quarantine instead of roaming off to New Year celebrations? Or is there something more nefarious  involved with the trending meme?  Who knows!? Either w...

It's that time of year again. The holidays are approaching. How could you avoid the onslaught? I can't believe they actually started the Christmas marketing before  Halloween this year.  But I digress. This isn't really about the holiday season.  (Well, maybe it is. A little.)  What it's really about is that time in November 2009 when we learned that we could no longer fight Charlotte's cancer . That time we had to fully understand that word. Terminal.  For the last five years, that period from November to the end of January has been a blur of avoidance, melancholy, and sadness. We haven't put up a Christmas tree since that pink one that graced our living room until almost April 2010. Only last year did I finally start feeling like "my old self" when it came to the holidays, slowly merging into social celebrations with others without feeling a panic attack coming my way.   Although I can't find it in an old blog post, I know that in ...

I got to spend the last week in Florida.  Yes, for those of you reading my blog in Virginia or other frigid climates, you are allowed to be a tad jealous.  Even though the evenings were cool, I got by with a sweater. And I walked on the beach almost every day.   It all ends tomorrow.   Overall, I had a great time with friends and family.  I spoke at my hometown library to a crowd of over 60 people and also presented to a great Girl Scout troop run by an old childhood friend. After all of that, I had a chance for some rest and relaxation.   I did have a few realizations during my trip. I have become the queen of reminiscence. I think I drove Roger crazy with stories of "there used to be a huge hotel in this spot" and "back when I was a kid, nothing was built out here" and "I remember when...".  Yeah, I'm getting older.  There is a mixture of feelings in watching your hometown change, especially when you don't live there all the time.  ...

This post is not about politics. But it is about Election Day. This was quite a week. We voted. Candidates won. Candidates lost. We said goodbye to political ads for another year or so.  It was a lot to take in.   Charlotte: Election Day 2008 With all the events of the week, my thoughts continued to return to Charlotte.  I thought about how she always went with us to the polls.  Four years ago, she braved the lines and the rain to vote TWICE; once with me and once with her dad.  On election night, Charlotte had long since gone to sleep but Roger and I stayed up till after midnight, watching history unfold.  In the morning, we told her that Barack Obama was our new President.  She could recognize his face in magazines and on television and would say, "That's Barack Obama. He's our new president." Who could have guessed that barely two months from that date, as the President took the oath of office, we faced a whole new world that we never ex...

It's been a crazy few weeks, as you might have guessed by my unintended hiatus.  The biggest news is that I was selected by Style Weekly, a local Richmond publication, as one of the 2012 Forty Under 40 .  It is quite the local honor and I am humbled to be a part of such an incredible group of men and women.  It has been very interesting, though, to be "recognized" by not just friends and family but seemingly random people who I barely know.  As Roger has said, I'm "fa-moose".  I guess that's better than notorious. I have still been writing. I attended a writing workshop led by Carol Henderson for the second year in a row. It was an inspirational and therapeutic experience. At some point, I will probably share a few of my musings as soon as I can "flesh them out" a bit.  There are also tons of thoughts in my little brain. If only I could get them out all at once! The speaking and signing events have been a little slow as of late; how...

I am finally sitting down to write a blog after almost three weeks of absence.  It's not like I didn't have things to say. The word "blog" has been on my to-do list every since we returned from Boone .   It just didn't happen.   Every time I would set out to write, something else would get in the way.  I was busy in my new job , which has involved some long hours and hectic days of late. I was busy keeping things updated with CJSTUF , getting preparations going for our various fundraisers, including the upcoming Art Auction this October.  I was rehearsing (or playing) at ComedySportz .   I did happen to find enough time to write a piece for Richmond Mom about the latest news at Chick-fil-A .  That seemed to light a fire in the discussion boards.   Oh, and somewhere in all of this I was trying to find moments to relax.  At times like this, I realize that the amounts of time and energy at my disposal are finite and pr...

There has been so much activity in the last few months, it has been easy to forget about the dates on the calendar until they sneak up on you.  Between book release events , CJSTUF activities , and my new job , I have had plenty to keep me busy.   At the same time, I feel my heart getting a little heavier every day.  I think it started right before Memorial Day. We were finalizing our vacation plans, looking forward to spending a few days with family at my father in-law's house in Tennessee.  I realized, looking at the calendar, that our vacation would end on July 8.  I would be back to work on July 9: Charlotte's seventh birthday.   Each day since that realization, life has been a little more challenging.  I feel more emotional.  I feel stressed.  Sometimes I wonder if I am feeling more stress about her birthday because of all of the other stressful things in my life right now (work, lack of time, etc.)? Is it challenging just bec...

At the beginning of chapter 3 of Four Seasons for Charlotte , I wrote: "If someone had walked up to me on the day that Roger and I meet and said, 'This is the man you are going to marry,' I would  have questioned that person's sanity." Readers who haven't known Roger and I for the decade and a half (plus!) that we have been together have remarked amusingly on this comment.  In fact, they have demanded photographic proof of the "hip graduate student majoring in Jazz Studies with long hair, a dangly earring, and wild clothes."   Ladies and gentlemen, I offer you photographic evidence: Exhibit A:The college ID, circa mid 90s.  Yes, Roger had hair.   Exhibit B: The fashion choices.  This was during a trip to Key West in 1995.  Note the stylish weightlifting pants and funky hat. Also note that Roger was not a weightlifter. I think he felt a deep fashion bond with the car we found along Duval Street.     This was our first...

It is 12:30 AM and I am still so wired I can't sleep. The book release party was a-MAZE-ing.  Where do I begin? Me...in book signing mode! First of all, Roger and my best friend Jamie conspired to surprise me and they succeeded!  Jamie is my oldest and one of my dearest friends .  She also happens to be the photographer who took the cover photo for Four Seasons for Charlotte .  When I told her about the date for the book release party, I realized that she probably wouldn't be able to attend.  She does, after all, live in Florida. For the last few weeks, she has been sending me messages of congratulations, telling me how sorry she was that she couldn't make it.  I promised to send her one of the first copies.  What I didn't know was that she was working with Roger to visit this weekend.  She showed up at the book signing and totally made my day.  Getting to spend the last few hours just chatting with an old friend: Priceless.  I ...

I did not write this poem.  It was shared with me about a year ago and I love it because it is very TRUE. Don't forget: you can still enter the giveaway for my book .  What is a question you have always wanted to ask a grieving parent? No question is too off the wall! Follow this link to enter the giveaway.  Contest ends June 1.   What People Give You by Kathleen Sheeder Bonanno Long-faced irises. Mums. Pink roses and white roses and giant sunflowers, and hundreds of daisies. Fruit baskets with muscular pears, and water crackers and tiny jams and the steady march of casseroles. And money, people give money these days. Cards, of course: the Madonna, wise and sad just for you, Chinese cherry blossoms, sunsets and moonscapes, and dragonflies for transcendence. People stand by your sink and offer up their pain: Did you know I lost a baby once, or My eldest son was killed, or My mother died two months ago. People are good. They file ...

My grief journey has afforded me an opportunity for very interesting interactions with people.  One of the topics I discuss in Four Seasons for Charlotte   revolves around the idea of saying the right thing  or doing the right thing  when you try to support a person in crisis.  With that in mind, I wanted to share two very interesting interactions I had with relative strangers in the past two weeks.  Ever since Charlotte's death, I have braced myself for that inevitable question : Do you have any children? The question (and subsequent answers) take many forms, depending on the circumstances.  Sometimes I actually bring up the topic of Charlotte's life (and death) on my own.  Sometimes I wait for others to initiate.   Two weeks ago, I was expanding my knowledge of leadership in a Nonprofit Learning Point class.  During the lunch break, the conversation turned to a book I was reading and somehow the topic shifted to my own book releas...

Thanks to everyone who commented on the first book excerpt I posted a few weeks ago.  I thought you might enjoy another sneak peek excerpt of my forthcoming book, Four Seasons for Charlotte: A Parent's Year With Pediatric Cancer .   The book will be available on May 15th but you can pre-order now!   If you will be in the Ashland, VA area on May 17th, you are welcome to attend the Book Release Party at Gallery Flux in Ashland from 6-9 PM.  This excerpt is from Chapter 4: Course of Treatment. I also like to refer to this as the "Cancer is a Hurricane" excerpt.  Charlotte turned four on July 9, 2009. Her birthdays had always been cause for celebration, but this year was a bonus beyond measure. Her party was at Romp n’ Roll. We sent out an open invitation to everyone in our support circle: Bring no presents. Just show up, wear Charlotte’s favorite colors (pink and/or purple), and help us celebrate. We had not just one but three birthday cakes donated for th...

There has been a lot of emotion in my most recentposts .  I thought it was time for a change of pace.  With that in mind, today’s post is a list. Who doesn’t love a list? It’s easy to read, straight to the point, and all the hip kids are making lists these days.  Today I’m going to share my top five celebrity BFFs.  Admit it.  You’ve made this list in your head before.  No, I’m not talking about “The List” .  That’s different.  We might share that on another day.  So, in no particular order, these are the five celebrities who I wish were on my speed dial.  If the agents or publicists of these celebrities (or the lovely ladies themselves) are reading this, I promise that I’m not a crazy stalker.  I’d just love to grab a cup of coffee with them someday.  Mindy Kaling I just finished reading Mindy Kaling’s Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?  It was a refreshing celebrity memoir.  It’s almost an anti-me...

As promised, I am bringing you a sneak peek excerpt from my forthcoming book, Four Seasons for Charlotte . The book will be available May 15th. You can currently pre-order at Amazon and Barnes and Noble . You can also add the book to your Goodreads queue ! Stay tuned for book release party info! This is an excerpt from Chapter 10, titled "Bringing Up Baby". I'm including the very beginning and very end of the chapter so you can get some context. Believe it or not, I reach a startling epiphany around....poop.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen.  You read that correctly.  Poop.  Here we go... Before Charlotte was born, well-meaning parents and friends kept repeating the same tired mantra, “You know, after your baby is born, your life is never going to be the same.” Roger and I both thought this was one of the most ridiculous things anyone could say to us. Wasn’t this a given? Who, in their right mind, had any idea that after a baby entered your life it would continue t...

This was quite a weekend! First, Roger and I competed in our first "official" Comedy Sportz tournament. If you follow our CJSTUF blog, you may remember that back in November, we joined forces with Comedy Sportz Richmond and Richmond Mom for a CJSTUF fundraiser .  We had so much fun that we ended up auditioning for the troop in January and we got in! I will have to share more about the program and what we do in another post, but let's just say we get to laugh a lot, and that's a good thing! Our Story Corps interview area On Saturday morning, Roger and I met at Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden for a very special event. We were invited to participate in a Story Corps interview promoting the garden. About a month ago, the folks at Lewis Ginter made a call for personal stories that could be used for a special Story Corps promotion. They wanted to know how the garden has made an impact on families in the community.  Roger and I submitted a story about our experiences...