I See What You Meme

It probably would not surprise you if I told you that I see something every day that reminds me of Charlotte. If you were to come into our house, you would sense her presence: in photographs, pieces of artwork, a few remaining toys.  There are many ways in which her spirit remains in our home. Most of her clothes are now gone, passed along to other little girls who love all things pink and purple.I have kept a few select t-shirts and outfits that carry sentimental attachment.  I still have most of her blankets and many of her stuffed animals. I have all of her books. I can't get rid of books.  Her room looks much as it did before she died. The Tinkerbell comforter sits on the bed. The balloons we collected each year on her birthday are still attached to the wall. In place of a six-year-old's toys and clothes, my daughter's room holds supplies for our Foundation : t-shirts, marketing materials, swag.   All of these items seem natural to keep. I have noticed, ...

Now that we've had a few posts to settle in with one another, let's get personal, shall we?   It's almost an understatement to say that this has been a difficult year.  The last few weeks, especially, brought back a flood of memories.  This time last year, we were in the home stretch .   We were watching our daughter die.  I have spent the weeks since Thanksgiving thinking of our final days with her.  I miss her terribly.  I miss her laugh and her smile and her stories.  I cry a lot.   This is going to sound funny but I don't cry the way I used too.  In the past, if I got upset, you would KNOW that I was upset.  Now, it just kind of leaks out.  I'll be sitting somewhere: waiting in line at the store, working, driving in my car....and the tears just start to flow.  I don't even necessarily "break down" and sob.  I just leak.   Anything can trigger the leak.  Usually it's a memory of Charlot...