I See What You Meme

It's that time of year when the blog musings center on my grief journey. Every year, it seems like we are busy with end-of-the-year school activities and the start of summer, planning vacations, and then (kablam)...it's almost July 9.  Grief is funny. Grief is weird. I remember very early after Charlotte died, I watched the movie Rabbit Hole.  There's an amazingly poignant scene where Nicole Kidman's character is talking with another woman who lost a child over 10 years before (played by Dianne Wiest). She talks about grief being like a brick in your pocket. It never goes away. Sometimes you can even forget it's there. But it comes back and makes its presence known from time to time. And (she says) "it's what you have of them."    I probably did not fully realize then what a powerful and true analogy that is. As time goes on, our grief changes. Yet, it is always there on the edge of things. It sits in that pocket and sometimes makes itself known.  This...

It has been almost one year since I announced to the greater world that I was diving into graduate school again to pursue my Ph.D . What has changed over the last year? When I announced that I was going back to school, we weren't sure if the "on-ground" components of the class would be in-person or virtual. For Fall and Spring, we had to stay virtual. This meant that even though I was in class one weekend per month, I was able to attend from the comfort of my spare room; no need to flex my work schedule or take the train to DC.  As classes started in September, I found a rhythm to my weekly load. Go to work (most days, 8:30-5ish), come home, get in a walk if I'm lucky, eat dinner with the family, chill for a bit. Then about 7 pm, I'd sit down at the computer to work on classwork. Some nights, it's reading (SO much reading). Other nights, it's posting to a discussion group or meeting up with colleagues for a group project, or outlining thoughts for an upcom...

This week marks 20 years since I graduated from Spruce Creek High School.  Yes. You read Class of '93. I haven't changed a bit, right? that correctly. Two decades.  I know. I can't believe it either. While you are recovering from that shock, I thought I would share some of the thoughts that have been floating around in my brain as I knew this anniversary approached.   First, a few surprises: I'm not exactly where I thought I might be career-wise.  I thought I would be a music teacher.  I left high school and entered college as a music therapy/music education double major.  Somehow the music ed degree was left behind.  That being said, I still work in education. I guess it's not that much of a stretch. I did, however, think I would do more with math.  I loved math. I still love math. Yeah, I'm that kind of weirdo .  I ended up minoring in math in college, thinking that with the aforementioned music education degree, I would always ...

It could have been a really bad day.  I could have stayed at home and moped. I could have done nothing but cry.  I could have been miserable.  Instead, I was inspired by Roger's amazing blog posts ( Part 1 and Part 2 ).  I have some wonderful colleagues at work who treated me to lunch and distracting conversation (Breaking Bad and the Walking Dead, anyone?).  I was touched by the multiple messages I received via phone, text, and facebook post.  My heart was warmed every time I saw a butterfly posted in Charlotte's honor as someone's profile picture.   To top it off, we came together with friends and neighbors to release a bunch of purple balloons. This has become our annual tradition on this day and I think it is a good thing.  I know. It might not be the most environmentally friendly thing to do.  However, I'm a rabid recycler and a Tree Hugger in all kinds of other ways. It balances out in the end.   In short, I felt loved...

Photo by Britt Reints We often hear the phrase love is blind . One interpretation of the phrase is that when we are in love, we see past the other person's weaknesses.  We overlook their iniquities, usually to a fault.  This does not last. We can ignore and avoid those silly annoyances for a time, but if left out there in the open, resentment of some sort usually sets in. We want the other person to change.  The truth in science suggests that there is a certain amount of blindness in the euphoria of a new relationship but that finding our perfect match involves all of the senses and quite a bit of discrimination.  We are biologically built to find a mate who will meet our needs, physically, emotionally, and socially.  Here is yet another view: when we find ourselves blinded by any challenge, we rely on our loved ones to support us and guide us through the darkness.  Although the blindness can be disabling, forcing one of our senses into isol...