My grief journey has afforded me an opportunity for very interesting interactions with people. One of the topics I discuss in Four Seasons for Charlotte revolves around the idea of saying the right thing or doing the right thing when you try to support a person in crisis. With that in mind, I wanted to share two very interesting interactions I had with relative strangers in the past two weeks.
Ever since Charlotte's death, I have braced myself for that inevitable question: Do you have any children? The question (and subsequent answers) take many forms, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes I actually bring up the topic of Charlotte's life (and death) on my own. Sometimes I wait for others to initiate.
Two weeks ago, I was expanding my knowledge of leadership in a Nonprofit Learning Point class. During the lunch break, the conversation turned to a book I was reading and somehow the topic shifted to my own book release coming soon. One of the people in the class knew my story but many others did not. This stranger asked, "What's your book about?" I told her and she replied, "Oh. I'm so sorry." It was a very common reaction.
What was interesting was that about two minutes after our conversation, she returned to my table and said, "I'm sorry but I need to ask: did I say the right thing? What is the right thing to say?" I thought that was such a great question! I shared with her that I thought her sincere condolence was very appropriate. There are a few things that I think are completely off-limits when it comes to finding the right words, but I'm very sorry is usually pretty safe.
The second interaction took place during my mommy blogger adventure in Atlanta with Chick-fil-A last week. You'll read more about that soon over on Richmond Mom. I love these opportunities to expand my journalistic skills and explore exciting products, but I always approach these events with just a little trepidation. I mean, I'm a "mommy blogger" attending an event with other "mommy bloggers". What do you think is one of the most inevitable questions?
So...how old are YOUR kids?
It totally makes sense, right? Why would I attend this event if I wasn't a mom myself. The first event I attended with Ford had me braced for the queries; however, I was somehow able to avoid any discussion of Charlotte. Finally, with only a few hours left before the end of the event, one of the women (who happened to be named Charlotte!) struck up a conversation with me about books. We were talking about how many people in the group had written books of their own so I shared my story. She asked about the topic of my book (yada, yada, yada) and then she asked this interesting question: "Which day is more difficult for you: Mother's Day or her birthday?"
I don't think I'd ever been asked a question like that before. By the way, the answer is definitely Mother's Day. It's much easier to hide on her birthday. It is definitely more painful to watch everyone else celebrate a day that has a way of messing with my identity. It's complicated.
Hearing these two very interesting questions over the last few weeks inspired me to ask you: What is one question that you have always wanted to ask a grieving parent?
Send me your answers! You can leave a comment on this blog OR you can enter on my Facebook author page. Just look for the Giveaway tab. Each entry will give you one chance to win an autographed copy of Four Seasons for Charlotte. The contest will end on June 1st. I will try to incorporate the questions (and answers) into some future blog posts.
Ever since Charlotte's death, I have braced myself for that inevitable question: Do you have any children? The question (and subsequent answers) take many forms, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes I actually bring up the topic of Charlotte's life (and death) on my own. Sometimes I wait for others to initiate.
Two weeks ago, I was expanding my knowledge of leadership in a Nonprofit Learning Point class. During the lunch break, the conversation turned to a book I was reading and somehow the topic shifted to my own book release coming soon. One of the people in the class knew my story but many others did not. This stranger asked, "What's your book about?" I told her and she replied, "Oh. I'm so sorry." It was a very common reaction.
What was interesting was that about two minutes after our conversation, she returned to my table and said, "I'm sorry but I need to ask: did I say the right thing? What is the right thing to say?" I thought that was such a great question! I shared with her that I thought her sincere condolence was very appropriate. There are a few things that I think are completely off-limits when it comes to finding the right words, but I'm very sorry is usually pretty safe.
The second interaction took place during my mommy blogger adventure in Atlanta with Chick-fil-A last week. You'll read more about that soon over on Richmond Mom. I love these opportunities to expand my journalistic skills and explore exciting products, but I always approach these events with just a little trepidation. I mean, I'm a "mommy blogger" attending an event with other "mommy bloggers". What do you think is one of the most inevitable questions?
So...how old are YOUR kids?
It totally makes sense, right? Why would I attend this event if I wasn't a mom myself. The first event I attended with Ford had me braced for the queries; however, I was somehow able to avoid any discussion of Charlotte. Finally, with only a few hours left before the end of the event, one of the women (who happened to be named Charlotte!) struck up a conversation with me about books. We were talking about how many people in the group had written books of their own so I shared my story. She asked about the topic of my book (yada, yada, yada) and then she asked this interesting question: "Which day is more difficult for you: Mother's Day or her birthday?"
I don't think I'd ever been asked a question like that before. By the way, the answer is definitely Mother's Day. It's much easier to hide on her birthday. It is definitely more painful to watch everyone else celebrate a day that has a way of messing with my identity. It's complicated.
Hearing these two very interesting questions over the last few weeks inspired me to ask you: What is one question that you have always wanted to ask a grieving parent?
Send me your answers! You can leave a comment on this blog OR you can enter on my Facebook author page. Just look for the Giveaway tab. Each entry will give you one chance to win an autographed copy of Four Seasons for Charlotte. The contest will end on June 1st. I will try to incorporate the questions (and answers) into some future blog posts.
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