I See What You Meme

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about Charlotte. She is everywhere. I see her in so many things. Most of the time, the thoughts are happy memories but they are often tinged with a bittersweet sadness and longing.  Around mid-June each year, it starts. For some reason, I'm extra sensitive to different memories or triggers. Some of these make sense. At the end of the school year, as kids are celebrating accomplishments and moving forward in time, I think of Charlotte. She never even made it to Kindergarten. I try to imagine what she would be interested in now, what her summers would look like, who her friends would be. Even with another child who has much to celebrate and keep me occupied, my thoughts fall back to her.  Bear. Just sayin' hello.  Other triggers are more mundane. I was at our chiropractor's office the other day for a regular visit and there was Bear, sitting there staring at me from the kid's play area. I hadn't tho...

It's been seven years since Charlotte died. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday. The time between early November and the end of January harbors some of the most intense memories from that time in late 2009 and early 2010 when we ran out of medical options and watched her die. On top of that, January 20 marks the date when she was first diagnosed (a year before). It's no wonder that this time of year is hard for our family, emotionally.  Roger calls it "the bus" .  That feeling of grief settles on his chest like a great weight and it stays there. Sometimes it's there for a few days but often it takes up residence for weeks at a time. There's no moving the bus. You just have to let it park for a while.  This guy. Some days he drives me crazy. Without him, I certainly would be. One of the challenges in handling a collective grief is that nobody mourns the same way. The timetable is different. The intensity can be...

Here we are in the middle of Christmas, headed for New Year's and Epiphany! When last I left you , we were just easing in to the holiday season, on the heels of the signing of much official adoption paperwork.  The process continues. The judge has the papers.  We should be official about 2 months (or so).  Overall, it has been a relatively easy Christmas. After five  years of grief and dread , it's nice to have a healthy distraction in the form of a tiny person's holiday joy. All of those activities--visiting Santa, singing carols, looking at the lights, preparing presents for others--when seen through the perspective of a child can have a way of softening the blow a bit.  The sadness has been there in fits and starts, but it definitely feels different. These months between November and January are always a bit reflective anyway.   Of course, while it is the season for holiday celebrations, it is also the time of mass binge watching of movies and other...

This has been a heck of a week.  Lots of craziness ensued with the anticipation and aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, the monster storm/perfect storm/weather event that could not be stopped.  Schedules have been disrupted, property has been damaged, and lives have been changed.  The recovery begins. My Mountains In between the madness, I took a scheduled trip to Boone, NC.  The primary purpose was a guest lecture opportunity at my former alma mater, Appalachian State University .  One of my former professors is teaching a class on syndromes and wanted some assistance with the autism portion of the class.  When I agreed to do this back in June, I had no idea what this weekend would have in store.  Originally, the weekend was going to be a road trip with my mom.  Friday morning, she woke up with a head cold.  Given the potential for nasty weather as well as my mom's intolerance for cold, we thought it best for me to make the trip on my own....

As a rule, I'm not a weepy person.  I have my moments.  We all do.  There are certain topics ( favorite Charlotte memories ) or commercials ( Damn you, St. Judes! ) that push me over the edge from time to time but I am not, by nature, a person who cries easily.  Except when it comes to music.  I have always thought it was my connection to music as a musician  that made me feel the emotion more closely than others.  There are certain songs (we will get to that in a moment) that are guaranteed to trigger the tears, regardless of the time, date, or setting.  I always figured, "Well, maybe it's me." It turns out that it's NOT me. There is actually some science  behind the weepy triggers in music.  A recent article in the Wall Street Journal    explained this phenomenon, highlighting Adele's music as a prime example of the powerful emotions a well-crafted tune can bring.   On the Media covered the same story and gav...

So here we are on the penultimate day of the year. I survived the Christmas holiday . I even went to church. More on that in a future post (possibly). The last week or so has been a wonderful combination of relaxing and productive. I admit that I haven't blogged much but I've been busy with other projects at home.   In thinking about the close of the year, I considered a collection of lists. I've been enjoying all the other Top 10 Lists populating the Internet these days but when I considered my own, I felt horribly inadequate. I've only seen from 1/3 to 1/2 of the movies that people are talking about on their 10 best list. I don't think I even saw 10 movies in the theater this year. I wouldn't be a good authority on movies. I've read a lot of books this year but I've already reviewed those books on my blog . You can always find me on Goodreads to get an idea of what I liked or didn't like.  Music. Well, I listen to a lot of music and my tast...

The vacation is officially over. Roger and I had a wonderful and relaxing time.  A few lessons learned: Lesson #1: Air Tran provides excellent customer service. The weather in Richmond delayed our departure and we missed our connection in Atlanta.  Fortunately, Air Tran put us up in a local hotel with a meal voucher and a flight out the very next morning. Unfortunately, we didn't get to the hotel until almost midnight and needed to leave  the hotel at 6 AM to make our shuttle. We didn't get a lot of sleep and the hotel had some bizarre issues with the room: the remote control for the television just advanced the channel regardless of which button was pressed (including volume).  Plus, the telephones were disconnected from the wall jack. When we connected them, the dial tone didn't seem to work. Good thing we had our phones and didn't need a wake-up call.  It was clean, though, and it was better than sleeping in an airport terminal.   Lesson #2: Social ...

What a week it's been!  I found myself frequently surprised this week.  Here's what topped the list: Sting turned 60.  What? Are you kidding me? How is this possible?  I don't care how old he is.  He's still making great music and he's still sexy as hell.  I'm lucky to say that I've seen him live, in concert, twice.  Perhaps if he keeps touring, I'll get to live out my life's dream of becoming one of his back-up singers.  Someday.  Someday.   Steve Jobs died I wrote only 6 weeks ago , at his retirement, about Steve's impact on the world. While I knew that it would only be a matter of time before his body succumbed to the pancreatic cancer that invaded his body, I had no idea how the death of someone I never knew personally could impact me so deeply. It was inspiring to see the many eloquent and beautiful tributes that floated around the Internet on Wednesday and Thursday.   We've been fighting the war in Afghanistan...

I love it when I find a great new musical obsession.  Last year, I discovered SONOS through an NPR interview .  These are some talented musicians who deserve every possible success. After their first two recording efforts (both of which are AMAZING!) they split from their record label (Verve).  Now they are in the process of recording their third album and they need some grassroots support to make it happen.  For as little as $5, you can get a copy of their newest album when it is published just by committing to the cause NOW.  Please go to their Grassroots Project and pledge your financial support by the end of April. Then tell all your friends! If you like their music (or want to find out more about them), you can find them on Facebook as well.   Happy listening!  

I would like to take this opportunity to say that I think the ipod is one of the single greatest inventions of all time.   The biggest storage challenge in our house is figuring out where we will put all of our CDs.  When you have two musicians in one house, you acquire a lot of CDs.  Fortunately, many of these were procured through Roger's small but frequent gigs moonlighting as a radio DJ.  Plus, 90% of any discretionary income we ever have goes to music and books.  Books, music, chocolate, and wine.   That's pretty much what makes me happy. ( note to self: book blog post imminent for sure) This is about 1/2 of our collection.  Just half.  My tastes are pretty eclectic.  The CD shelves hold pop hits from the 80s and jazz standards from the 60s, Disney classics and classic Genesis, well known artists like Sheryl Crow and the Counting Crows and lesser known fare like The Mighty...