I See What You Meme

It's been seven years since Charlotte died. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday. The time between early November and the end of January harbors some of the most intense memories from that time in late 2009 and early 2010 when we ran out of medical options and watched her die. On top of that, January 20 marks the date when she was first diagnosed (a year before). It's no wonder that this time of year is hard for our family, emotionally.  Roger calls it "the bus" .  That feeling of grief settles on his chest like a great weight and it stays there. Sometimes it's there for a few days but often it takes up residence for weeks at a time. There's no moving the bus. You just have to let it park for a while.  This guy. Some days he drives me crazy. Without him, I certainly would be. One of the challenges in handling a collective grief is that nobody mourns the same way. The timetable is different. The intensity can be...

Over the last week or so, when people ask me, "How are you doing?" my response is "It's been a crazy few weeks." The emotional highs and lows of the last two months have made things a little chaotic in our household. It all began when Roger was called to Florida unexpectedly. His father (Robert), on vacation with Juanita Bonita in the RV, had been diagnosed with appendicitis and the results of the surgery had produced complications.The family was called together.  The birthday boy looks pretty! Meanwhile, plans were still in motion for an (at that point) surprise party for Roger's 50th birthday. As his father seemed to be on the mend, he made it back from Florida with about 4 hours to spare before the secret celebration. The party was a fun distraction and we had dozens of "good deeds" done in honor of Roger's birthday to share with him. Plus beer.  Just some of the many "good deeds" done in honor of Roger's 50th ...

This week marks the 17th anniversary of my marriage to Roger .  It also marks 20 years of togetherness as a couple. If you've followed our story, it goes without saying that we've seen quite a bit in those 2 decades. As we replaced another refrigerator this month (bit the dust after 10 years of faithful service), I started to think about the numbers that define our life as a couple. Most of our wedding gifts have come and gone--I think the hand mixer might be the only original appliance we still own. We have faced moves, job changes, births, deaths, celebrations, and struggles.   We're still here! We haven't killed each other yet.  So in honor of our 2 decades together, I share this handy dandy infographic that highlights R-Squared--strictly by the numbers. Enjoy! (Hint: It's easier to view if you click on the infographic and it opens in a new window. Then you can tap the magnifying glass to enlarge or reduce.)

As 2013 draws to a close, everyone is focused on wrapping up the year and setting their sights on 2014.  Goals will be set.   Resolutions will be broken .  Lives will be changed one way or the other.  All of this goes without saying. This time of year has been difficult for me since 2009.  In fact, it's only been the last year or so that I approached anything resembling "normalcy" when it comes to acknowledging the holidays.  Just when I started to get my sea legs back, I was struck last year at this time with the sudden death of a good friend.   This year, there is an added wrinkle.  We have spent our Advent season most appropriately, anticipating and preparing not for the arrival of the Christ but for the child or children that UMFS may place with us once we officially open our home on January 13th.  Most of the physical preparations are done.  There are 2 rooms ready (at least generically) for up to 2 children.  The lock...

As we shift out of the last few hours of a long holiday weekend, I'm going to share a few highlights from my hometown vacation.  Where to begin? First, the weather was perfect. While back in RVA they were facing freezing temps, I was happy to leave the house in a light fleece or t-shirt and cropped pants.  Any day you can wake to hear the roaring sound of the ocean from your bedroom window is probably a good day, don't you think?   Second, I was fairly spoiled by my family and friends.  I ate way too much (who didn't this week?) but it was all sooooo good.  My biggest problem (admittedly a first world problem at that) is that my mom doesn't have a coffee pot so we had to forage daily for our cuppa Joe.  Thankfully, there's a 7-Eleven ( Oh thank heaven!)  at the end of the block near my parents' house which forced me into a daily walk routine as well.   I think I might have been the Queen Dork of my high school. I can admit this now....

On the week of our 16th wedding anniversary , I have been thinking a lot about expiration dates.  Does that sound scary? Trust me. There is no need to panic.  In fact, I think about all of the things that our marriage has witnessed in 16 years.  We have lived in 5 homes in 4 different cities. We have gone through six different vehicles. We have replaced appliances, silverware, plates, sheets, dishcloths, electronics, and countless batteries.  We have remodeled a kitchen and a bathroom, replaced a roof, put in a new heat pump, and cut down numerous dying trees in our yard.   We raised a child through her fourth year and watched her die . It seemed like a lifetime, yet it was far too short.  Many things in our lives come with expiration dates.  Some have warranties included.  I admit that I frequently get suckered into purchasing the extended warranty for my appliances and higher end electronics.  There is always the question of, "What ...

This week marks 20 years since I graduated from Spruce Creek High School.  Yes. You read Class of '93. I haven't changed a bit, right? that correctly. Two decades.  I know. I can't believe it either. While you are recovering from that shock, I thought I would share some of the thoughts that have been floating around in my brain as I knew this anniversary approached.   First, a few surprises: I'm not exactly where I thought I might be career-wise.  I thought I would be a music teacher.  I left high school and entered college as a music therapy/music education double major.  Somehow the music ed degree was left behind.  That being said, I still work in education. I guess it's not that much of a stretch. I did, however, think I would do more with math.  I loved math. I still love math. Yeah, I'm that kind of weirdo .  I ended up minoring in math in college, thinking that with the aforementioned music education degree, I would always ...

I found myself reminded this week of some of my favorite and most popular pieces of writing. Life couldn't get much busier these days so I use that as my excuse and apologize in advance for this post.  This, my friends, is a clip show.   I was thrilled to see Hello Grief  re-post one of my pieces over the weekend. (I'm not the only one who uses reruns.) I have to admit that this is one of my favorite grief analogies, even though I practically tripped over it in the process. I was also thrilled to read this Huffington Post article  regarding Chick-fil-A's turnaround stance in their use of funds toward anti-gay initiatives.  My piece in Richmond Mom  citing my thoughts on the subject last July was one of the website's top articles of 2012. This development gives me new hope for waffle fries in my future.   My thoughts have also been on Downton Abbey this week.  I won't give away any spoilers for those still catching up but I related o...

Photo by Britt Reints We often hear the phrase love is blind . One interpretation of the phrase is that when we are in love, we see past the other person's weaknesses.  We overlook their iniquities, usually to a fault.  This does not last. We can ignore and avoid those silly annoyances for a time, but if left out there in the open, resentment of some sort usually sets in. We want the other person to change.  The truth in science suggests that there is a certain amount of blindness in the euphoria of a new relationship but that finding our perfect match involves all of the senses and quite a bit of discrimination.  We are biologically built to find a mate who will meet our needs, physically, emotionally, and socially.  Here is yet another view: when we find ourselves blinded by any challenge, we rely on our loved ones to support us and guide us through the darkness.  Although the blindness can be disabling, forcing one of our senses into isol...

At the beginning of chapter 3 of Four Seasons for Charlotte , I wrote: "If someone had walked up to me on the day that Roger and I meet and said, 'This is the man you are going to marry,' I would  have questioned that person's sanity." Readers who haven't known Roger and I for the decade and a half (plus!) that we have been together have remarked amusingly on this comment.  In fact, they have demanded photographic proof of the "hip graduate student majoring in Jazz Studies with long hair, a dangly earring, and wild clothes."   Ladies and gentlemen, I offer you photographic evidence: Exhibit A:The college ID, circa mid 90s.  Yes, Roger had hair.   Exhibit B: The fashion choices.  This was during a trip to Key West in 1995.  Note the stylish weightlifting pants and funky hat. Also note that Roger was not a weightlifter. I think he felt a deep fashion bond with the car we found along Duval Street.     This was our first...

“ My grief lies all within And these external manners of lament Are merely shadows to the unseen grief That swells with silence in the tortured soul” --William Shakespeare On Wednesday, I was leaving one of the schools where I work.  I was crossing the parking lot to my car and I tripped. There was no ice, no barriers in the road. I just tripped over my own two feet and went flying.  My knees broke my fall.  In the instant I hit the pavement, the pain was, in a word, intense .  I will admit that quite a few four letter words were uttered under my breath.  I inhaled deeply, gathered my bag (some of its contents spilling out onto the road), and hobbled the 20 more yards to my car.  I pulled up my pant legs to assess the damage.  Both knees were skinned.  I had errands to run so I started the car, thinking I'd stop at a drugstore for band aids if needed.  Interestingly, the incident took the first 10 layers of skin off my knees ...

On this day in 1997, Roger and I got married, surrounded by 120 (or so) friends and family.  It was a simple, beautiful, and fun event that marked the start of an amazing adventure that we call our life.  As I thought this week about what I might say in a blog post about our marriage, I had many ideas. I could list the reasons why I love Roger. I could share the things that I have learned about relationships in our 14 years together. I could recount many of the memories (good and bad) that have become our lives.   None of it seemed to hit the right tone. I don't know if there is a secret to our successful marriage. I've seen other friends and family get married. Many of them have also seen divorce. Our lives have seen joy and loss, success and failure. Is our marriage successful because we are a good match or is it because we do the right things and make the right decisions? I'm not sure. Every day I feel lucky to be married to one of my best friends. I don't thin...

Woke up this morning to this witty and heartfelt post from my husband. Happy Birthday to Me! The World's Most interesting Man Wishes He Was Her by Roger Reynolds On this day in 1975, a child was born in Daytona Beach, Florida.  Upon entry into the world,she promptly looked around the hospital room and began organizing things alphabetically and by color. During a 3rd grade field trip to the Kennedy Space Center, a NASA scientist heard her ask, "Are you sure you want to do it that way?" And then she showed him how.  After that, Tang became obsolete. When she entered college, extra staff were assigned to manage her file and break it up into smaller components so as not to make the senior faculty feel inadeuqate. That's what I've had to live with for 14 years. Happy Birthday to the love of my life! Aw, shucks.  Thanks, hon'!

For this week's Follow Friday, I am going to stoop to the shameless plug. I've been floating around the Internets making mischief in one way or another and I figured it was about time to tell on myself.   Firstly, I just got a writing gig on a new satirical news website called Insert Eyeroll .  There are some really funny writers on this site and I feel honored to be a part of the crew. Check out my first piece: some important advice for new parents.   I finally have an outlet for my slightly subversive side .   On a different note, my husband has nominated me for an Eagle Rare Life award and I need your help. Online voting takes place until January 2012. You can vote once a day and the top 7 vote recipients receive donations to their favorite charity. The overall winner gets to donate $20,000 and the 6 runners-up get $2000 apiece. I'm currently in the top 5 so with your help I can stay that way. Please bookmark this link and use the magic of socia...

This week's Follow Friday is dedicated to one of my oldest friends. I am blessed with many dear people in my life so I hope that nobody feels offended or slighted by this post. Jamie has been my friend for as long as I can remember. In fact, I don't remember not knowing her. I think we met sometime around Kindergarten. We lived only a few blocks from each other and even though we were a year apart in school and only attended the same school for 2 years, we were constant companions in childhood.   This is not a childhood picture of me and Jamie...but it could be. This is actually a birthday card she sent to me years ago. It hangs on my bedroom mirror and constantly reminds me of our friendship. Summers were spent riding bikes, swimming together, pining over boys (both those in our school as well as impossible celebrities) , playing games, creating crafts (oh, the friendship bracelet obsession!) and making mischief (ask her about the Pepto Bismol story!) . ...

I've been a fan of the ABC show Desperate Housewives since its premiere in 2004. Admittedly, my interest in the show has waxed and waned over the years and I have a feeling that 7 years in, the plot playlist is edging towards shuffle/repeat. I mean, has anyone on Wisteria Lane NOT been a victim of attempted murder, a life threatening illness, marriage infidelity, or financial problems?  It is, after all, a soap opera.  But it's still one of my guilty pleasures.  A few years into watching the show, I realized there was one character with whom I could really relate. As the show has continued, I've sometimes wondered if Wisteria Lane isn't just some alternative parallel universe of my life...at least as far as this one person was concerned. Maybe Marc Cherry had some secret portal into my cul de sac, using my life as his muse (but amping up the juicy details, making me look a million times more glamorous, and giving me a tummy tuck).  So who is my Desperate Housewi...

An open letter to my husband in preparation for Valentines Day: As your socially conscious, politically correct, tree-hugging, liberal wife, I have some gift guidelines for this upcoming holiday that continually celebrates conspicuous consumption over sentiment. No jewelry.   Any kiss from me will not begin with Kay and if you  go to Jared I may kick you out of the house for at least a week.  I don't need the thought of aiding and abetting civil war in African countries through  conflict diamonds  on my conscience.    No cut flowers.   Not only will the flowers die within a week but the flower industry is rife with unfair labor practices.    Don't buy a card because it will only end up in a landfill after it clutters my already cluttered house for an undetermined period of time while I pretend to appreciate its sentimentality.     I used to think chocolate was the key to my heart but apparently...