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Accumulation

In The Waste Land, TS Eliot pontificates that "April is the cruelest month".  In our world, January seems to fit the bill.  
January 22, 2009 Right before her first brain surgery
First, there are the obvious anniversaries.  Charlotte died on January 7, 2010.  Her diagnosis day was January 20, 2009. That was the moment in time when our world changed forever.  Today (1/22) marks the day of her first brain surgery.  The path of our lives for the next year was fixed at that point.  Our focus was on Charlotte and little else.  January 2009 shaped our lives in a way that few other moments in history ever can. 

 Then there is the cumulative effect.  The holidays are hard.  In fact, once November hits, all I can really think about are those final days with our daughter.  The Make-A-Wish trip. The reading vigil. The moments watching her decline and anticipating her passing.  These memories converge with opportunites to create "new" memories of the holidays.  Our emotions fluctuate from day to day.  The "moments" tend to happen with increased frequency. 
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I don't share this to seek sympathy or to complain. We are blessed with much. We have a fabulous Network that supports us in these difficult days. They do it through kind notes, sweet words, and support of our Foundation and its many events and endeavors.

 I share to remind us to be gentle with one another. Whether it's January for us or another day/week/month for others, we all have moments in the year that trigger sad memories or difficult emotions.  Sometimes the moments are just a cold snap to our psyche but sometimes they're a blizzard of pain and sadness.  We get snowed in. We have to take a break.  

 It is only through a combination of sunshine, time, and maybe an extra shovel that we dig ourselves out, knowing that seasons have a way of bringing it all back again someday.    
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