Skip to main content

Installment Parenting

As they day approaches (tomorrow!) for Kiddo to officially become a "regular" part of our lives, reflections and musings continue.  

 Rationally and legally, we know that Kiddo will not really be "ours" until the adoption papers are finalized, and that will probably take at least a year.  At the same time, she has definitely captured our hearts.  We are hooked. Perhaps I'm overly optimistic, but I find it highly unlikely that anything would happen on our end to keep this adoption from becoming a reality. 

 At the same time, I have no illusions that this will be smooth sailing.  Any child who enters a family through the foster care system will bring her share of challenges and fears.  I have heard comments from many people as we have engaged in this process that fall along the lines of, "She is so lucky to have you." and "You are very special people to do this." I don't completely disagree with those statements, but I don't know any parenting journeys that come without a challenge or two of their own.  I think part of our ease with the process is the fact that we have already faced down our worst fears.  And we survived. It's kind of hard to imagine a WORSE case scenario.  Roger and I have spent the last 5 years learning how to roll with the punches. I suppose that has made us stronger people. I can only hope it also makes me a better parent. 

 Roger has taken to calling this experience parenting on the installment plan.  We have been given such a wonderful opportunity to get to know Kiddo slowly, with short visits turning into longer stays.  Even this next piece of the journey carries quite a bit of impermanence. Roger remarked this weekend, "Maybe everyone should become parents this way."  There is something to be said for that, especially if the support that we get through therapeutic foster care was given to everyone on the parenting journey.   

 Some highlights from this weekend included a hair cut (6 inches chopped off and the addition of bangs!), Sweet Frog, swimming at the Y, and a visit to church.  She dominated the Children's Sermon (in a good way), demonstrating her excellent grasp on how and why we talk to God through prayer.  She also did a great job meeting so many new people. While many of you know about Kiddo through this blog, she's just getting to know everyone else in our world.  Sometimes these interactions would start out hesitantly but she has done a great job meeting all our friends. 

 The only real tears or frustration we saw happened when we had to say goodbye for the day.  She was so worried about missing us!  We tried to remind her that in 16 short hours, she would be back with us "for good".  Tomorrow and the week to come brings lots of paperwork, enrollment forms, meetings and more.  Here we go...
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

The Edge of Seventeen

It's that time of year when the blog musings center on my grief journey. Every year, it seems like we are busy with end-of-the-year school activities and the start of summer, planning vacations, and then (kablam)...it's almost July 9.  Grief is funny. Grief is weird. I remember very early after Charlotte died, I watched the movie Rabbit Hole.  There's an amazingly poignant scene where Nicole Kidman's character is talking with another woman who lost a child over 10 years before (played by Dianne Wiest). She talks about grief being like a brick in your pocket. It never goes away. Sometimes you can even forget it's there. But it comes back and makes its presence known from time to time. And (she says) "it's what you have of them."    I probably did not fully realize then what a powerful and true analogy that is. As time goes on, our grief changes. Yet, it is always there on the edge of things. It sits in that pocket and sometimes makes itself known.  This...
Read more

Bittersweet Sixteen

I think about Charlotte every single day. However, this time of year, I'm flooded with all kinds of memories as we commemorate the anniversary of her birth. This year feels like a bit of a milestone. Sixteen.  If cancer had not taken her life back in 2010, I have a feeling I would be planning a massive birthday celebration this year. 16 always feels like a landmark year in someone's life.  I have been thinking a great deal about the last birthday party we had for Charlotte in 2009. We didn't know it at the time, but we were halfway through her treatment journey. We had been through three major brain surgeries and a few rounds of inpatient chemotherapy. Treatments were not going well. In fact, right after her birthday, we would make the trip to Houston, Texas where we would settle in for about 10 weeks of proton beam radiation treatments and a new customized chemotherapy protocol. This was the unspoken "last chance option" to beat that aggressive brain tumor into ...
Read more

It's a (not quite) Jolly Holiday

I was sitting in a doctor's office waiting room a few weeks ago. While I waited, another patient came out into the reception area to make her next appointment. The receptionist offered a few dates, including one on a Saturday. The woman (I have no idea who she was; let's call her Maude) originally said yes to the Saturday date. Then the following conversation ensued:  Maude: Wait! Is that Mother's Day weekend?  Receptionist: Hmm. You know what? I'm not sure. When is Mother's Day?  Maude: You don't know?  Receptionist: (nervous laugh) Well, I guess I should know this.... Maude: Are you a mother?  Receptionist: No.  Maude: But...you have a mother, right? You should know these things!  At this point, I was incensed with "Maude". This woman knew nothing about the receptionist. She could have recently lost a child. She could have been struggling with infertility. She could have had a mother who recently died. Or she could have a strained or just very compli...
Read more