I See What You Meme

Another trip around the sun.  Another year where I cherished memories of you but I was denied the opportunity to create new ones that included you.  Another year in which I felt blessed in so many ways and yet, somehow, still felt some emptiness.  This year, we took some brave steps as a family. We grew . We welcomed someone else into our world. Sometimes it's challenging but mostly it's a joy.  You are still a part of this. Forever four. Forever in my heart. Since you left us in 2010, I have struggled each year with what feels like an "appropriate" way to acknowledge your birthday. It's not a celebration but sitting in a puddle of tears doesn't really work either. Almost every year, it's a largely private affair and the buildup to the day is almost always more difficult (emotionally) than the day itself. Even though I know that there is no correct  way to handle this strange thing called grief, there's a huge part of me that thinks I sh...

With all this talk about Kiddo lately, you might be wondering where Charlotte has been in all this.  Of course, we needed to tell Kiddo about Charlotte even before her first visit to our home. I think the plethora of pictures might have been a quick giveaway.  Part of my card, complete with the "butterfly life cycle". The little egg on the leaf turns into a CJ butterfly. Kiddo handled Charlotte's story really well. She asked a lot of questions at first. We share stories about her but definitely follow Kiddo's lead in how much we talk about her. Kiddo has also sweetly mentioned Charlotte in her "prayers" and even drew a "CJ" butterfly on my Mother's Day card.   When Charlotte first died, I had a difficult time understanding how anyone with kids could function while grieving another child.  I was completely self-absorbed and was sometimes actually grateful that I could get lost in my grief without having to worry about tying someone'...

Dear Zach, Almost three weeks ago, you surprised us with such scary and unsettling news.  We were shocked to learn you had suffered a massive seizure and (possible) blood clot that sent you to the hospital. Despite your medical team's best efforts, you were unable to recover from your injuries. On Friday night, your family made the very difficult decision to remove the machines helping you breathe and keeping your heart pumping.  You passed to the other side at about 5:30 Sunday morning.  I miss you already. Me and Zach sharing a funny moment on stage Zach, I first met you when Roger and I were introduced to ComedySportz in November 2012 as part of a Richmond Mom  and CJSTUF fundraiser.  I immediately knew that you were more than a talented improviser. You were a genuinely nice person, a good friend, and a great  teacher. I learned so much about the world of improv from you.  I enjoyed reading your perspectives on comedy  on your...

It's strange how songs that aren't even directly associated with your loved ones can bring up triggers.  I was driving to work yesterday and really felt this pull to listen to an Eddie from Ohio song.  Well, actually, it's a Lyle Lovett song but I love the EFO cover. I wish I could find an EFO version on You Tube but this will have to do. First of all,  If I Had a Boat is just a great song. It's catchy with a great hook. It's what songwriting is supposed to be.  Anyway, by the end of the tune, I was sobbing.  It took me a little while to figure out why.  I never really listened to it with Charlotte. It's not about a little girl or a butterfly or a kid who dies. Those would be obvious triggers, wouldn't they? If you have ever listened to the live EFO cover (on the Portable EFO Show , just in case you're curious), Robbie Schaefer shares that the origin of this song is about a conversation with a kid. Lyle asked him what he wanted more than...

We have hit the one month mark with Kiddo officially in our home! Hooray! When I run into people, so many ask, "How are things going?" and most of the time, all I can really say is, "Great!"  I think it is going very well.  Our life is not without its hiccups and bumps.  Some days, the morning or evening routine runs smoother than others. Some days she's sad. Some days, she frustrates us. Some days we have so much fun I can hardly contain myself.   My new Happy Hour includes sassy nail design. So this is what parenting is like (again)!  In some ways, I feel like I never left. I have always worked in jobs involving kids so spending time with Kiddo feels natural as well. Of course, she is different from the kids I work with in the community and she is also different from Charlotte. There are many similarities as well, though. All you need to do is look on Facebook or spend some time chatting with your fellow friends who are parents to realize that we a...

As you may have guessed, the wonder of parenthood is a busy blur of meetings, activities, chauffeuring, entertaining, meal preparation, and more! All continues to go well and I know some of you have had the opportunity to meet Kiddo "in person".  We have really enjoyed introducing her to some of our favorite things.  Friday included a trip to Comedy Sportz , where she instantly captured the hearts of some of our fellow playerz. Also on the agenda was an Easter Egg Hunt with friends, church, and a fabulous family dinner.  On Saturday, I finally  found some time to do some gardening.  I only pretend to have a green thumb, relying every season on my stepfather, the Master Gardener, to direct my planting, trimming, and fertilizing decisions.  After a cold winter, it felt so good to dig in the dirt and add some color to the yard. The Butterfly Bush at its first planting It was during my time in the garden that I thought a great deal about both Charl...

As they day approaches (tomorrow!) for Kiddo to officially become a "regular" part of our lives, reflections and musings continue.   Rationally and legally, we know that Kiddo will not really be "ours" until the adoption papers are finalized, and that will probably take at least  a year.  At the same time, she has definitely captured our hearts.  We are hooked. Perhaps I'm overly optimistic, but I find it highly unlikely that anything would happen on our  end to keep this adoption from becoming a reality.  At the same time, I have no illusions that this will be smooth sailing.  Any child who enters a family through the foster care system will bring her share of challenges and fears.  I have heard comments from many people as we have engaged in this process that fall along the lines of, " She is so lucky to have you." and "You are very special people to do this. " I don't completely disagree with those statements, but I don't know ...