Peggy Orenstein's latest book has been all the buzz these days. In Cinderella Ate My Daughter, she waxes poetic about how the Princess Industrial Complex (apparently a term she coined) corrupted her daughter. After two years caring for her daughter at home, she sends her to preschool. Within a week, she learns the names of all the Disney Princesses from her peers. Despite her best intentions, the outside world proceeds to fill her daughter's head with princess dreams. The waitress at the diner brings her princess pancakes. The dentist has a princess chair. Orenstein is frustrated by all of this emphasis on girly images. Her argument is that fixation on presumed gender roles at such a young age creates an ongoing distorted view of beauty, feminism, and sexuality. Ok, Peggy. I hear your argument. I get it. On a certain level, I understand it and relate to it.
I was raised by a feminist. I wasn't allowed to play with Barbie dolls (or at least have my own). The girly-girl thing was never emphasized. I played with dolls but I also played with trucks and blocks. I grew up in a neighborhood where I played Star Wars with the neighborhood boys. Yes, I was always Princess Leia. At least I wasn't Chewbacca. I also watched the Disney movies. I wanted to be a princess. I pretended that I had long flowing Rapunzel hair by tying bath towels to my head. I dreamed of dressing in beautiful Cinderella gowns. I experimented in my tween years with nail polish and makeup. Most importantly, I learned from the example of the strong women in my life that success was really about the brains in your head....not the look of the hairstyle that surrounded it. Those lessons have stayed with me. Those are the lessons that endured.
When people speak of fostering gender equity in today's society, I think of one of my friends who has twins: a boy and a girl. Despite her best intentions to have the twins play with the same toys and foster gender equity, the boy had migrated to the trucks and blocks and the girl only wanted to play with baby dolls before their 2nd birthday. There is a certain amount of truth to the maxim girls will be girls and boys will be boys.
My problem with Orenstein's argument is not so much that we should be aware of these gender issues and how we present our views of femininity, body image, and relationships in our society. I agree that these are important issues. My problem is that she seems to demonize Disney. She blames Disney's marketing strategies and commercial endeavors for the potentially harmful effects that a girly-girl culture can have on our daughters.
In another article, she cites Disney's latest evil scheme for world domination in which they give free baby PJ's (most assuredly featuring cute cartoon characters) to new moms in the hospital just for signing up for email alerts from the Disney corporation. Anyone who has had a baby in the last 10 years knows that before you leave the hospital, companies of all kinds are lobbying for your business. Johnson & Johnson, Pampers, and every brand of formula known to man (or woman) offers just-enough-to-get-you-hooked samples of baby supplies for the new parents. Disney is just following the #1 rule of entrepreneurial capitalism: give 'em free stuff and you foster brand loyalty.
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| Indoctrination starts at an early age. |
When our own child was born, we didn't even discover the gender until her birth. The nursery was decorated in a neutral yellow and the newborn layette was full of gender neutral colors. I'm still not sure why mint green is the go-to color for "I don't know the gender of my baby."
Anyway, as soon as the words It's a Girl! came out of the doctor's mouth, the pink rushed in from every angle. Both my husband and I fought the pink gene vehemently. We dressed Charlotte in gender neutral outfits when we could. She learned to cheer for Daddy's favorite football team ("Go Broncos!"). Her first birthday party had a Winnie the Pooh theme. The second birthday was Finding Nemo. By year three, we had lost the battle. The princesses invaded. Despite our best efforts, Charlotte became a girly-girl. She adored Dora. She was amazed by Ariel. She wanted to dress in skirts and dresses and pink and sparkles. The Princess Revolution was in full force.
Truth be told, we didn't fight it too much. Soon after the fascination with princesses began, Charlotte was diagnosed with cancer. You can only fight so many battles at one time. When the Make-A-Wish volunteers came to our house to help her decide her heart's desire, Charlotte told them that she wanted to go "where the princesses lived." Of course, this was Disney World.
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| CJ's Closet at Give Kids the World! |
By the time we had arranged our wish trip, Charlotte had acquired a closet full of princess dresses. Each and every one of those outfits traveled with us to Orlando. Charlotte spent three days meeting princesses and fairies. After months of chemo treatments, surgeries, and medical interventions, Charlotte found herself in a perfect fantasyland without doctors, nurses, or medicine. Every Disney World employee, from the most elegant princess to the elderly street sweeper, went above and beyond the call of duty to make our wish trip an amazing experience. While they knew from our badges and t-shirts that we were a Make-A-Wish family, these employees had no idea that Charlotte's condition was terminal. None of them knew that she had a month to live. Even without this knowledge, they made my daughter the happiest little girl on earth. In turn, they made me one happy mama.
Disney World is not the problem. I grew up in Disney's backyard and I've seen this company evolve. This is a company founded on the principle of bringing out the kid in all of us. This is a company founded on fantasy and imagination. This is a company that rewards its employees for ingenuity and creativity. They pride themselves on providing exceptional customer service. Do they make tons of money? Yes, indeed. Isn't that the American Dream? Many books have been written about the Disney business model citing the good, the bad, and, sometimes, the ethically questionable. Disney is incredibly successful at what they do and there is a very good reason that companies all over the world flock to their headquarters each year to learn from them: they are one of the best.
Disney World made my daughter's dream to "be with the princesses" a reality.
That's the kind of brand loyalty that money can't buy.
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