Skip to main content

Battle Scars

I'm very eclectic when it comes to movies. I like dramas, comedies, and thrillers. If you checked my Netflix queue, you would frequently find foreign films, independent films, and documentaries rounding out my list. I even love a good slasher flick every now and then. It all depends on my mood. 


Sometimes you know what you're getting into with a movie. Roger and I went to see The Blair Witch Project right before going camping in the middle of a Virginia State Park. Not one of our smarter moves. If I ever need a good cry, I just pop in Sophie's Choice or ET. If I need to laugh, I put in anything by Mel Brooks or Monty Python


These days, I tread lightly when it comes to films that revolve around death or illness. It can be a slippery slope. There can be a certain amount of catharsis in watching these films and I think that's healthy. At the same time, it can open up old wounds. You have to be ready to cry. The other danger with these types of movies is that they can make you angry. Inaccurate (read: overdramatized) portrayals of the grief process, death, or suffering can be as grating as fingernails on a chalkboard.  


It is with these thoughts that Roger and I went to see 50/50 last night.  I had heard about this movie in the "coming attractions" for a few months and it looked intriguing. Something told me it wasn't going to be an overly schmaltzy, emotionally manipulative disease of the week movie.   Listening to Seth Rogen and Will Reiser discuss the film on Fresh Air finally convinced me that this film might be one of the few cancer flicks that interested me.  I wouldn't go without Roger, though.  Fortunately, we both had a free evening so it was time for a date night.


Will Reiser's fictionalized version of his journey with cancer was not our story but I found it completely familiar.  There was the stark reality in the shock you feel when you hear that word in the doctor's office: cancer.  There was the challenge encountered in maintaining relationships with your friends and family; they are trying to help you cope and yet they are just as terrified as you are. How do you navigate those stormy waters? There are the moments when you find humor in the darkest of things...things only fellow cancer patients (or their caregivers) can understand.  There are the moments when you lose it. You completely lose it. You don't know how you're ever going to feel normal again.  Happiness is far, far away.  


While I enjoyed the movie, I think I'm developing a new appreciation for why some military veterans refuse to watch war movies.  When you've been to the battlefield, you have to be ready for something that takes you so close to the source again.  When Adam was being wheeled into surgery, all I could think of was Charlotte. All I could remember was the feeling of absolute terror as I watched her tiny body being prepped for brain surgery. In those final moments before the anesthesia kicks in, Adam faces the reality of his mortality. He panics, realizing that this could be "it".  Those feelings are real and, let me tell you, the film captured that perfectly. 


I'm glad that there are films like 50/50 out there. It's nice to see films that put a realistic but positive spin on something that many people (fortunately) may never completely experience or understand. This household gives it two thumbs up. 


PS Yes, I rearranged the blog a bit. One step closer to the new website. Stay tuned!







Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Edge of Seventeen

It's that time of year when the blog musings center on my grief journey. Every year, it seems like we are busy with end-of-the-year school activities and the start of summer, planning vacations, and then (kablam)...it's almost July 9.  Grief is funny. Grief is weird. I remember very early after Charlotte died, I watched the movie Rabbit Hole.  There's an amazingly poignant scene where Nicole Kidman's character is talking with another woman who lost a child over 10 years before (played by Dianne Wiest). She talks about grief being like a brick in your pocket. It never goes away. Sometimes you can even forget it's there. But it comes back and makes its presence known from time to time. And (she says) "it's what you have of them."    I probably did not fully realize then what a powerful and true analogy that is. As time goes on, our grief changes. Yet, it is always there on the edge of things. It sits in that pocket and sometimes makes itself known.  This

The Stages of Grief: COVID Edition

It's 2020. It's almost Christmas. We're still in the middle of a pandemic. In fact, we are experiencing what appears to be an incredible surge that is exerting tremendous pressure on our healthcare and social service system. The headlines are clear: we're not done with this madness and December 31, 2020 will not magically be the "end of it".  Earlier in the year, our family thought about whether we might be able to travel at this time. We thought that maybe the curve would be flat enough that we could take a few days away from home during the Christmas holidays. We realized that the pandemic would still be happening, but with the right protections and with prolific mask usage, we could get a much-needed change of scenery. During what is now (clearly) a delusional thought process, we booked a stay in Gatlinburg, Tennessee for the week of December 19th. Spoiler alert: we canceled the trip almost two weeks ago.  Canceling this trip was not a tragedy. In fact, I

Bittersweet Sixteen

I think about Charlotte every single day. However, this time of year, I'm flooded with all kinds of memories as we commemorate the anniversary of her birth. This year feels like a bit of a milestone. Sixteen.  If cancer had not taken her life back in 2010, I have a feeling I would be planning a massive birthday celebration this year. 16 always feels like a landmark year in someone's life.  I have been thinking a great deal about the last birthday party we had for Charlotte in 2009. We didn't know it at the time, but we were halfway through her treatment journey. We had been through three major brain surgeries and a few rounds of inpatient chemotherapy. Treatments were not going well. In fact, right after her birthday, we would make the trip to Houston, Texas where we would settle in for about 10 weeks of proton beam radiation treatments and a new customized chemotherapy protocol. This was the unspoken "last chance option" to beat that aggressive brain tumor into